Four months after I stopped the dates, I met Keith, my husband. Give me an example of what you put on your seven-page list. I was specific about a mate that wanted to be with children, to be a dad. And I wanted someone who could have a partnership around money, and we could make decisions together. I also wanted a traveler who would show me his photographs of the places he loved the most. On Internet sites, there is a limited word count. Most people put more thought into their ideal car than their ideal mate.
Create a crystal clear list about what you do want that expands and becomes clearer as you date. And a second shorter list of 10 to 15 deal breakers, like being an alcoholic, sex addict, or for some, not believing in God. The hunter.
And draining. Looking at profiles, sending e-mails back and forth, impressing someone on the phone, then the first date. I think I have Internet dating fatigue. It does become tedious if your goal is getting the date and filling the role. But you can use the dating process to work on that. Start having fun with the entire process. Even if you have war stories, you can laugh about them.
And today it means maybe, or sometime, or never. About sex. So many men in their Internet profiles talk about giving massages, wanting sensuous, passionate women.
Am I being a prude? Does that happen? I have a client who says he has a three-month rule. It works very well for him. I bet it works very well for his date, too.source link
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As soon as you get involved with the sexual aspect, the other parts of the relationship slow down. If a man is too attentive, calling every day, I run. When a woman gets too close, guys head for the hills as well. Things are moving too fast. It puts the brakes on it and allows you to sit back and evaluate.
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You get to choose. And healthy relationships are negotiated.
In fact, abusive men do this as their MO. Sealing the deal, buying gifts, charming the heck out of you, and getting you to buy the package so they can maintain their elusiveness about their problem. I worry when a person wants to move too fast, male or female. I assumed for a relationship to work, I had to be madly in love, waiting for his call, and thinking about him every minute.
No question about it. Giving people information about ourselves at that level of intimacy should be earned. That has allowed us to move on, and I leave it at that. A way to rephrase that is to say that we outgrew each other. But look at what you do want: Someone who loves you, honors you, and holds your heart in a sacred place.
I love it. One person calls it baggage, but dealing with your emotional past is really about gaining wisdom. Make the first date about knowing someone new. I look back and miss being married: coming home and having someone to share my good news with. You can also change your geography, even in your own home, with new furniture or paint.
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